head

one of the main activities that I partake in while in Egypt is enjoying the pleasure of hashish in the company of my very dear cousin Ahmad and a few of his friends. although this has become something of a habit when I am here (meaning it can happen every single day) its always and consistently a strange experience.

I tend to be very relaxed when I smoke hash (thats what I thought its for).. and so I get very very comfortable, and usually smile and laugh.. I am happy head.. however smoking is a very intimate thing because of the reasons I just said.. so when its done with new people, it can be a bit uncomfortable for me, as I get a little paranoid about my behavior and what I say.. or not say.

I hung out with most of these guys last year.. but unlike me, they are willing to go into the street for a walk immediately after smoking! I would rather avoid light and crowds, they seem to not mind it, they even crossed the 5 lane road in Stanley beach last year and I was with them.. mind you this is a high way!

the thing is that my cousin, Ahmad, is the kind of person who does whatever he can to please everyone, never complains, is never rude and a person who is always like that never really says the truth.. so if I say or do something that he doesnt like, he wont tell me, will smile and let it go, so unless I am paranoid I would have no idea... but then I never really know at the end.. ! it drives me nuts.. I want to know, do I imagine that I am retarded when I smoke or am I retarded.. tell me!

anyway.. we smoked every night my first week in alexandria, then I left to do some travel, and then we smoked again the last few nights i was in Alex. every time something feels funny.. but not funny funny.. maybe awkward is better.. add to that my sexual perversions that are always hovering around my head making myself convinced that all or most these guys are interested.. this is of course fueled by subtle and sometimes not so subtle behavior from some of the guys.. anyway, I am annoyed that i dont really know how they feel about me, if they are just nice to me as a guest or if they actually enjoy my company..

oh man.. a couple of them are really hotilicious.